God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
