My underwear smells like fireworks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
