my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
