no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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