You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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