its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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