Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love having hate sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
