Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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