those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
barbara walters just said penis...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
