As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got inside last night via doggy door
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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