just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
