the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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