somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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