no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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