he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
