dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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