I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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