I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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