I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
