Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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