just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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