i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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