Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
