Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
