It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
