I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
