I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
