hotel room ftw
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
