If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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