can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
well you can't waste a boner
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
