it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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