Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
