She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
50% drunk capacity currently
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
