I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
