What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
