I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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