I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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