I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
