well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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