I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
