btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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