I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
