Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
