I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had to cum in my sink.
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