You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
