I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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