I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm both gender and math confused
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
