I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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