he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
