I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
