At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
