you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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