Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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