who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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