after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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