i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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