i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
