I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
