What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
