i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
