I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
