I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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