..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
