He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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