We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
