We won't sleep together?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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