I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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