how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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