I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
