you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
God, I missed his penis.
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