so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize