Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ttyl tear gas
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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